Types of People You Meet on Dating Apps


Maybe it’s just me but these are the people I met on these kinds of apps:

THE DOUCHEBAGS/PLAYER/SWEET TALKER: From my experience, these are the guys that work at bars, are coaches, or guys with topless profile pictures. Like for the girls that expose too much skin, the same rules apply. You may be attracting the wrong people unless your plan is a quick fling: a long-term relationship with a good girl would be impossible.

From my analysis, if a guy doesn’t give his undivided attention, never once calls you by your name and only pet names plus, wants your attention during the late nights: just be wary girls. Also, if the conversation has no grounds of respect block and delete him asap. Don’t be deluded you can change a player.


Don’t be like Selena

To see signs of a player see more on: https://vividlyexisting.wordpress.com/2016/01/23/bloody-timewasters/

THE CHRISTIAN GREY’S: These are the guys that just want a girl for sexual kinky shiz. For some odd reason, they look for the innocent girls. Seems their attempts in finding a submissive girl that they can command. No thanks I don’t conform to this shiat.

Elsa talk to the hand

THE OLDIES: Them creepers that although you specifically stated a certain age range still decide to give it a go and try to appear into your inbox. I don’t need a sugar daddy, I have no daddy issues and no the fact you could be my dad or uncle is already a put-off. Back off and go for girls nearer to your age, please!!

DESPERADO: You’ve been talking to this person for less than a few hours and out of nowhere they pop the question out of nowhere. “Will you…” Ohh don’t worry the end of the sentence isn’t marry me, but if that’s the case run for the hills! “Will you be my girlfriend?” Bruv what!?

  • Dude, I barely know you well enough.
  • At least give me a month to analyse if:
  1. a) You ain’t a serial killer or psychopath.
  2. b) Know how much of a person you are before you trick me into a relationship or falling for you.
  3. c) If you ask me that now and Mosbying #HIMYMreference me the day after I’m packing to become a magician and disappearing from your life.



However, in some ways I’ve been to the part of sympathising to some of them. I guess they fall for a girl only to have them taken away from them in seconds.

Tips for a Desperado: I know when you meet a cool girl you want to make sure they will stick, but:

  • Asking them to be your girlfriend just within a day seems like a desperate move. Like come on, girls like a little chase and wooing. Give it a while and if she flirts give it a week before you ask to meet up to see if there is a spark face to face.
  • Telling them you love them before you got to know them at least a month would scare mostly any girl away.
  • Not all girls are a big fan of guys putting x’s after every sentence they send. Analyse the girl, if she does it, it is safe to do so, if not just don’t unless you two are dating: and no I do not mean in your imagination. Even then do it when it fits the conversation.
  • Some girls get annoyed when a guy constantly cools her pet names. Like come on she isn’t yours yet. Those things are only cute when you guys are dating.
  • If she sticks she will stick, if not it isn’t meant to be. It’s isn’t the end of the world. Usually, from experience, you will find your one when you least expect it. Sometimes it’s when you expect that they would just be a very good friend before getting to fully know them.
  • Being clingy isn’t attractive and long scriptures for a prolonged time can be off-putting after a while. You have time to get to know the person. This isn’t a cramming session. But short one word or even one letter replies can be a put off too. Sorry but bye!

No one wants to read something longer than the Great Wall of China. Come on most of us don’t even read the terms and conditions


LOOKS OVER EVERYTHING: These are the guys that complain (frequently) about your picture from you don’t have enough selfies, your picture isn’t clear enough to can I have a selfie a day. Sorry but you already failed my test and no I don’t like taking pictures anyway. I’m the sort to update my facebook profile whenever my friends remind me and if not it’s yearly so people know I’m alive. I’m looking for a guy that falls for my personality. If you haven’t asked for it during our entire conversation and we get along conversation wise truth is you would have my phone number by now, where you will see a clearer profile picture on my WhatsApp.


THE WEIRD PICK UP LINES: This could be a newbie that recently entered the dating world to someone with nothing better to do with life. To the guy, if you write “Can I have your picture please, I promise it’s not for anything weird.” We will assume that it is. Although I did feel sorry for the dude in the end after he said, “I want to show Santa what I want for Christmas.” But seriously boys, never start a conversation like that. Oh, that reminds me of the guy that started the conversation tell me about your best friends, clearly, he know he stands no chance with me but hmmm how does he know I have hot single friends when they ain’t even on this app. 

FRIENDLY BANTER: These are the people that came to socialise, not looking for a girlfriend straight away. Thank you for that. Not only does it break down the awkwardness but it makes it so easy for us girls to talk to you. We will get along well for a long time.

Brownie Points

THE ONES WHO ASK FOR ADVICE: Okay I was using this app to which they determined my personality from the questions I answered to be polite. This guy starts a conversation asking me for my honest advice. To which I gave him as politely as I could phrase it. His profile picture looked gangsta like from his pose so I told him it would be better if it was a head to shoulder picture. Afterwards, I looked at his profile description, to which I found several spelling errors to which I stated for him to correct. Who knew dating was like a CV/Job Interview eh?  Anyways after that advice never heard from him again.

Adele Reference

THE ONE: In my opinion, it’s the guy that doesn’t try too hard, just themselves, can have friendly banter with that, doesn’t ask for a picture and genuinely wants to know you as a person rather than an object… oh sorry, a person with nice features. To be honest it’s a longer list but when you know you know.



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